Welcome to Raw Journal, your newsletter for all things healing, personal development, and faith. It’s always a pleasure to have you here.
I went over to a friend’s house and we played a game of Ludo. It was the second time I’d ever played it so I had to be reminded of the rules of the game. Now, each time it came to making a decision e.g. what steps to take, how many moves, or which token to pick up, I found myself over-analysing each part for a really long time.
As you can imagine, my friends grew impatient with me due to my constant deliberation process. I realised it wasn’t just about the game, it was a tendency apparent in other areas of my life too. When posed with a decision to make, it was often hard to make a decision on the spot.
It had to be the ‘perfect and best’ decision. And to figure out the best decision, I considered all outcomes, the alternatives, the probabilities, and everything else in between. My mind automatically made calculations like that. It’s a good approach to planning and strategising and there’s definitely a place for this. I don’t think it’s inherently bad..
However, applying this approach across the board for a lot of decisions was a lot, and became very overwhelming. There were situations where it made sense to do all that and others that didn’t require so much bandwidth. From smaller choices to the bigger ones, I felt quite stuck and paralysed. Every decision felt like a big deal and I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it ‘right and perfect’ at every turn.
I saw how perfectionism crept in and led to extended periods of hesitation, doubt, and stagnancy. I had to let go of my need for control. I could not predict every outcome and it wasn’t my place to. In fact, it showed me where I was hesitant to trust God and the areas I felt most restless about.
How perfectionism continued to show up…
I realised there were points where I simply didn’t want to be seen trying. I didn’t want to be a beginner, show process, or possibly mess up publicly. I’d often beat myself up for not being good at something straight away. If I couldn’t get it right the first time or first few times, I’d let it go and move on to something else. I’d quickly resolve that I just couldn’t do something and not bother to continue.
I’d give up on myself.
I wouldn’t allow myself to go through the process of being bad at something for awhile before getting good at it. I’d quit things without properly exploring it. If it appeared too much or too hard to do, I’d let it go.
There’s a place for knowing when to pivot and quitting well, but this isn’t focusing on that. This is when we quit before really trying. This is when we clip our wings without giving ourselves space to fly.
It was a form of self-preservation and self-protection that was costing me. Perfectionism costs us so much, too much even. It’s a bit crazy to consider all the things I didn’t give myself a chance on.
How often do we write ourselves off?
How often do we allow impatience to get the better of us?
I know we’re all different. I know what comes easy to one person does not always come easy to another. What may be second nature to me may not be second nature to someone else, and there are things other people do with ease, that I genuinely struggle to do. We all have variations of what we consider hard for us and what we’re just able to do.
What if we gave ourselves more time to learn instead of setting unrealistic timelines to be an expert at something.
What if we were more gracious with ourselves and more understanding of our process.
What if we recognised our weaknesses for what they were, instead of shaming ourselves when something takes longer than we initially anticipated.
And how can we use this to improve?
Some people can be self-taught in an area, but if you find it hard to teach yourself, can you ask someone else to teach you? Can you pay for mentorship or coaching? Can you ask a friend or family member to assist you or test you with what you’ve covered thus far?
What if a change of approach is all you need?
And if you can’t afford the things I mentioned above, can you trust that God is with you? His Spirit dwells on the inside of you and He is your Helper. Involve Him in the areas you find hard.
Remember from my previous post: we have everything we need. Even when financial resources are scarce, there’s always other forms of resource available. We have to use what is in our hands.
When perfectionism pressures you to quit prematurely, can you lean you into God’s provision and depend on Him?
When your efforts fall short, can you trust Him with your weaknesses?
‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’ - 2 Corinthians 12:9
Our weaknesses are not a barrier, and they are no excuse. They’re the perfect avenue for God to show Himself strong. So it’s actually okay because God’s power can be made perfect in that place. We can only take ourselves so far.
Partner with God and let Him show Himself in the areas you constantly beat yourself up about. Maybe it’s time for you to collaborate with God again and not toil and strive to do it all on your own.
Remember it’s okay to be an amateur in a thing before developing mastery. No mastery occurs without amateur status so release the pressure and don’t be so hard on yourself, God’s got you!
Love RJ x
Journal Prompts:
What looks too hard for you to try out?
What are you scared of being a beginner in?
How can you depend on God in this area?
Bible Verses for Meditation and Prayer:
✨‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.’ - Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
✨‘The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.’ - Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV).
✨‘‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’ - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV).